“I ain’t messin’ with no broke banker”

The recession has taken a turn for the worst. Luckily for me, this is when ALL the crazies come out. I hesitate to direct traffic to this blog but alas, I am a giver. “Dating a Banker Anonymous” was recently given the spotlight in the NYTimes’ business section, an attempt to spin the ‘human interest’ side of the down economy and subsequently give yet another outlet for Main Streeters to hate on. As if the villains of Wall Street were not enough, we now have a new class of evil: the gold digging bitches who date/marry them.

I would not consider myself a feminist. In fact, I’m sort of old-fashioned in the way that yes, I want a man who can provide for me and maintain a certain standard of living. I guess the key difference is that I make money as well and I don’t intend on stopping. I try to stay away from the bankers and money managers alike precisely for this reason. They’re all a bunch of neurotic freaks who are obsessed with money. After all, “Greed is good.” However, this goes back to the root of my ranty post about Obama: Not everyone is created equal. Thus, not everyone should make money. This recession is really going to determine who is worth their salt on the Street. The other 90% of ‘financiers’ can return to the Midwestern cornfields and join the ranks of the unemployed and factory workers.

I digress.

The bottom line is that these DABA girls are gauche. Classless. Everyone knows the cardinal rule of having money is not talking about it. Note: If you are a self-proclaimed “socialite” or consider yourself “stylish” and have to manifest these attributes on paper, you most definitely are NOT. I would mostly look to David Patrick Columbia’s “NY Social Diary” and the Sunday Styles’ “Party Pictures” section to see if you are in fact, a member of high society.

I feel like I need to send these girls those etiquette books my mother sent over for Christmas.

John Thain – Newly Minted Villain

According to NYMag, John Thain is the newest “hated-man on Wall Street”. He joins the ranks of Dick Fuld, Bernie Madoff, and all the other disgraced financiers who’ve been headlining the front pages for the last few months. Interestingly enough, DealBook has a story about BofA’s approval for the Merrill bonuses right before the giant bank bought (or rather, made a terrible bet) on Merrill.

One Dealbreaker posted that John Thain’s son, Alex, was/is at Goldman Sachs. However, I leave you with this: http://myers-thain.com/

I’m not sure what it means when you leave your homestead’s address for everyone to see, especially when your father’s name is used in the same breath as ponzi-enthusiast Bernie Madoff. Anyone up for crashing a wedding?

First Year Woes

My first days in banking were especially uneventful. I came in at 8 and left every night at 7. This was not the investment banking lifestyle I had heard and read about! But I only needed to look to our second year analyst to realize that he had been staying every night until 3 or 4 in the morning. I decided then that I would live vicariously through him but nothing more. Being beautiful isn’t easy and I needed to be at the top of my game as I pursued my other full-time job (husband hunting).

Ever eager and anxious to help, I pimped myself out to every person in my group as “idleness is the only refuge of weak minds, and the holiday of fools”. There was a point I felt like the fat hooker who everyone drives past in the red-light district. No one wanted me to help in any respect and instead, gave me a few volumetric texts of 101 books for me to read. At first, I treated these manuals with the same fervor of a college textbook. I outlined, highlighted and read, trying to get a bit of clarity on my business area. About four pages in, I realized this was idiotic and promptly stopped. Thus, I waited and tried to pass the time creatively. I fiddled with the standard investment banking analyst pack which was forwarded around during training. Cleverly titled “Analyst Training”, it really entailed an assortment of games like Tetris, Pacman and Sonic the Hedgehog all imbedded within an Excel file. I am pretty sure I broke the high score after days/weeks of mindless playing.

A bit of perspective on the timing of this whole situation. This was the post-apocalyptic world of the implosion of the sub-prime mortgage mess. It was interesting to think that at this time, no one really understood that the financial world and subsequently the world economy were headed for the shitter.
That being said, I waited and waited for something…anything. And then…

From: Apathetic Associate
To: Fashion Financier(e)
Sent: Tue Oct 23 14:41:03 2007
Subject: Staffing

Hot VP has some staffing for you guys. Can you swing by when you get a minute?

———————————————————————————
And so it begins.

New Years Resolutions

One of my many New Years Resolutions, aside from blogging more, is to find a boyfriend/date more/whatever. I figure, new city, new outlook on life. Concurrently, one of my mother’s resolutions is to find me a man. The signs were all there. As I quietly settled into my new life in the city that is not quite New York, my mother had been vocally scheming and laying the foundation for Operation Boyfriend 2009. I began receiving a slew of various e-mails from gentlemen suitors: sons and nephews of family friends, the “good on paper” types.

My first option was Mr. West Coast, a 28 year old entrepreneur type who is the nephew of a family friend:
- Attended ‘first tier’ state school: -1
I didn’t realize that state schools were ranked but apparently they are.
- Job at top consulting firm: +.5
It’s not banking and you know how bankers feel about consultants (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROlDmux7Tk4)
- Job in London at a e-commerce startup: +1
Working abroad, in general, is cool. He’s well traveled and at least has some cultivated tastes. This would have been a +2 but the whole startup thing throws me off. If this were 1999, it’d be more promising.
- Stanford Business School: +5
Getting into Stanford B-School is no easy feat. As long as he doesn’t become a hippie interested in saving the world, we’re okay.
- Constructs well-thought out e-mails: +2
“Grammar is wanting” in this blog but I don’t think it’s incomprehensible. Mr. West Coast sends well-thought out e-mails which do not incorporate the loathesome internet-speak (‘r u arnd?’). He sends periodic updates which I appreciate.

Total: 7.5

The second option I have is Mr. Google. As characterized by his name, option 2 is a self-proclaimed computer geek who is at Google.

- Graduate of MIT: +3
MIT grads are generally weirdos but it’s still a good university. And I liked “21″.
- Works at Google: +2
Google is very 2004/2005. The stock price is trading in the 300s, down from about 600 last year. They’re taking a big hit and yet, the stock is still not affordable. I am also suspect of the cultish nature of Google. I’m not sure of a workplace that’s designed so you never leave (see: Google-plex in CA). Sort of creepy.
- Poorly constructed e-mails: -4
I get anxious when I receive e-mails punctuated with a lot of “?!?!” and “…!” I also detest when older men litter their letters with emoticons. It’s unnatural.

Total: 1.0

Suffice to say, I stopped responding to e-mails.

Conclusion:
As part of my mother’s quest to find me a boy toy, she decided to stuff my stockings at Christmas with various etiquette and ‘guide’ books. I’m not even talking about the classic handbook which every girl should read (Emily Post). This series is the type you find at the checkout in Barnes & Nobles. Titles such as “How to Behave: A Guide to Modern Manners for the Socially Challenged”, “How to Behave: Dating and Sex for the Romantically Challenged” and “The Long-Distance Relationship Guide for the Geographically Challenged” (all by Caroline Tiger). While manners are generally lacking in today’s society, I’m not sure I want to take advice from an author who has also published “UFO Hunters: guide to the paranormal” and the “Wizard’s Handbook”.

Mother, I get the point. I’m challenged in all social areas of life. Thus, I will continue with the winter hibernation and maintain my romantic trysts online with the aforementioned cyber boyfriends. Unless someone signs me up for match.com or the-like. Or Daniel Craig comes knocking.

The Holidays

The fashion financier(e) had been on holiday for the last week. She wishes all a Happy New Year. Here’s hoping to a better 2009 than 2008. As I rang in the new year with close friends from the Ivy, we spent much of the night reflecting on 2008 and our hopes, dreams and other fluff for 2009. Despite the onslaught of the “world is coming to an end” mentality, I actually quite enjoyed 2008. On a whole scale, however, I can only hope that 2009 is better for the world.