December 18, 2008
that “Colonoscopies Miss Many Cancers, Study Finds”.
Does this mean that a bunch of men (and some women I guess) have had the experience of having cameras all up in their brown eye and have nothing to show for it?!
December 15, 2008
Sorry for the short hiatus (read: laziness) that is my “blog”. I’ve been spreading around some holiday cheer and subsequently too busy with holiday boozing and shmoozing. Many many things have happened while this blog was on its break. A quick run down of what has struck me the most:
1) Obama moving towards the middle. Appointment of Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State and Timothy Geithner as Treasury Secretary.
2) Watching the back and forth between the pathetic excuse for the American Dream known as the automotive industry and the ingenious politicos of D.C.
3) The Dow swinging 300-500 points on a daily basis.
4) Bernie Madoff’s $50bn ponzi scheme.
Just some things to think about.
It’s hard to believe that one year ago, I was watching my associates, VPs, and MDs receive their bonus numbers with glee. Ruminations that associates at Goldman were getting a “6-handle” number made its way around the Street. Before we get into Bonus Bonanza, however, let’s talk about the cast of characters. In this sad tale that is my analyst experience, we have the following:
1) The anal_ysts: 1st, 2nd and 3rd years. There were 2 first years in my group. One being myself, the Fashion Financier, and the second being Smelly Homeless kid. You already know about me. Smelly Homeless kid was from another esteemed New England “elite” university where he spent his 4 years “not working hard enough” (his words, not mine). The beginning days were always about pleasantries besides the usual “where did you go? What did you study” type questions. He was clearly very smart but I realized quickly that his laziness and unkempt manner of living would quickly be his downfall. Besides the fact that he refused to wear belts and cut his hair, he also decided that business formal meant that he’d go without a jacket on some days. He was clearly the second or maybe even third choice for a 1st year analyst in my group (I was obviously the first). Somehow by fate or sheer misfortune, Smelly Homeless kid ended up in mygroup.
The second year analyst is someone who I affectionately refer to as Mr. Burrito. During our impromptu rotations/interviews with the different groups, he thought it’d be fun to ask questions like “if you could be a vegetable, what kind would you be?” My initial reaction was to smack him, naturally. He turned out to be a great ally and friend.
The Associates: We had 3. In no particular order, we had the Douchebag Associate (he is affectionately known as such and every group needs one), the Apathetic Associate and the Evil Incarnate.
Douchebag is a former attorney who received a joint MBA/JD at a school in NY which costs way too much money and is littered with kids whose parents don’t mind footing an exorbitant tuition and high cost of living. After a few years practicing corporate law, Douchebag Associate thought it’d be more fun to do banking (well, fun = money!! doesn’t it?). He moved over after a particularly juicy 2006 bonus season with a guaranteed salary and bonus for 2007 when everyone was still basking in the glory of sub-prime wealth. Of course, his wealth of legal knowledge entitled him to act as a Managing Director in every respect. Douchebag spent many days abusing the analysts and being a prick. I sort of liked his abrupt nature although when I was flipping pitch books at 4am, I frequently cursed him.
Apathetic Associate is a guy who basically burned out after 3 years of banking. On the surface, he looked like every other state-school graduated guy on Wall Street. From my observations, Apathetic Associate had a pretty big drinking problem and spent many days in his office looking bored. I didn’t know the whole story with AA but his persona took me a year to figure out.
The Evil Incarnate is that back-stabbing bitch in high school that everyone hated when they found out she was up to no good. Upon first glance, she seemed personable and helpful who looked like she was out to care for the well-being of her junior analysts. She was fashionable and spent her days teetering back and forth on her Jimmy Choos from the weight of her Hermes Birkin bag. Luckily for me, I spent most of my first 9 months doing investigative work and reporting on office gossip. I quickly learned of her deceitful nature and that daddy was still footing the bill for her every need. Did I mention she was 27?
This cast of characters are ones who I worked with the most. But of course, what is an investment bank without it’s supporting cast? I had the Crazy Blonde Bitch who sat in my direct cube line. Next door, we had the Hillbilly (sweet girl from the Midwest who outed a fellow coworker in her month and ate ice cream for dinner), Michael Kors (aforementioned gay guy), the Raccoon, Mom Jeans, and Debt Debt.